Pope's Good Friday Fourteen
2003-04-18 � 12:36 p.m.

Pope's Good Friday Fourteen!

1) List Five (Or More) Things You Want to Do Before you Die:

Finish breakfast, send feces through the United States Postal Delivery Service, punch a dude in the face, light a building on fire, and eat cherries til I puke.

2) Predict your own death. When will it be? Where will it be? How will it occur? Who will be around?

I'm thinking next week. Thursday's looking good, probably around ten a.m. I'll be alone, of course. It's going to be by spontaneous combustion.

3) Write your own Obituary! It can be as short or as long as you want.

Loner Asshole Offs Self: Incredibly Short Boring Film at Eleven.

4) What shall happen to your body after death? Will you be buried in a nice grave somewhere? Cremated? Dropped into the sea?

I'm hoping my roommate freaks out and hides me in the crawl space.

5) If you had a headstone or some other type of small memorial, what would you like written on it?

Here Lies Buckwheat McKracken.

6) Would you ever kill someone else? If so, under what circumstances?

Yes...just to watch him die. Hahahahaha! No, seriously. If I was provoked, I could kill someone. Like if they jacked my parking space or something.

7) What happens after you die? Is there an afterlife, or just worms, or something else? Please describe!

When you die, you rot. The electrical impulses that have been fooled into thinking that they represent "you" will go poof!...

...and then you'll be in Heaven, where it's Christmas Every Day.

Or in hell, where a guy who looks like Rod Steiger anally rapes you for the next several eterneties.

8) If you had only six weeks to live, would your life change? If so, how?

No, it wouldn't change.

9) What is the closest you have ever come to your own death? (IE: Do you have any near-death experiences?)

Hmmm...I don't think I've ever been as close to death as I am right now.

10) Has anyone really close to you ever died? What is your most vivid and beloved memory of them?

Uh, I was pretty close to my grandmother, and the circumstances of her death were weird and that made it extra hard. I have too many memories of her to recount, actually (which is good).

11) If you could ask one dead person ONE QUESTION, and recieve one honest answer from beyond the grave, who would you ask, and what would you ask them?

I have nothing to learn from the dead. Except to find out if people who died before he was born still get Rod Steiger.

12) If you could bring one person back from the dead for only one day, who would you bring back?

That seems inordinately cruel and selfish.

13) You can't take it with you when you go, but if you could, what one object would you take?

My gaze just came to rest fondly upon this cotton ball. I will call it Jim, and store it in my left nostril.

14) How is life?

Oh christ, do you really want to open that can of worms? LIFE SUCKS. There! Are you happy now? Punk.

Currently Aurally Inducing: Pigface, Sweetmeat
Selection of the Lyrical Vocabulary: "I can't even take a walk in the great outdoors because suddenly I am being chased by wild boars..."

[ last ] [ next ]

�	Int4rw3b Personals

�	Gene Wolfe

�

Image Fix

�	Again, I Return. (Gonna have to knock this off...)

�	A Return of Sorts