One...second...at...a...time
2003-02-24 � 10:31 a.m.

(The world is ending, one second at a time.)

I'm in a totally odd mental place right now. I think I've probably mentioned how poorly I am able to interpret my own emotions (just one of the many things that is wrong with me that I have no idea how to fix) except when they are at their most extreme; i.e., impossible to ignore. Lately I've been trying much more often to get a read on how I feel about things, rather than just ignoring/suppressing or whatever it is that I usually do.

What I've learned is that I have no feel for the subtle degrees of whatever it is that I am feeling from one moment to the next — I don't just feel "happy," I feel ecstatic. I don't feel angry, I'm furious. I'm not just "down" or sad, I am disconsolate. Or maybe it's just that I am incapable of having mild or subtle reactions to things, or maybe the parts of me that are built to distinguish those finer degrees of feeling have been broken off or sanded down or something.

The effect is the same — I am whipsawing back and forth between emotional poles with frightening frequency. Like, within minutes of each other.

It sucks.

On a lighter note, the time has finally come to get my hair shorn. It's the longest it's ever been, I think, and it is driving me crazy. It's long enough in the front that it hangs in my eyes; I feel like some sort of rejected mod-rocker. The only thing that has kept me from cutting it all off before now is that I like the coloring I've got going on. All the blonde that was has been relegated to the ends in the process of growing and cutting, and the results are tres nifty (if I do say so myself) — streaky, streaky blonde bits that no fewer than four people have asked me how I accomplished. I wanted to lie, but I told them the truth: six long months of waiting and not caring!

Yes, time to cut. I think I'm going to go back to black this time too. Or the reddish. Or maybe it's time for something different? Not too wild...or maybe so!

Like Mr. Scruff says, it's time to "Get a Move On."

-t

Currently Aurally Inducing: The dryer roiling in the background.
Selection of the Lyrical Vocabulary:

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�	Int4rw3b Personals

�	Gene Wolfe

�

Image Fix

�	Again, I Return. (Gonna have to knock this off...)

�	A Return of Sorts