Dating School
2003-02-20 � 7:32 p.m.

The back of the Willamette Week is cleverly titled "Backpage" and consists of ads that fall somewhere between the classifieds and real print ads. Anything from Yoga classes to hemp clothing to health insurance is advertised on the "Backpage."

It's usually the same kind of stuff, and I barely ever read it. But this week there was an ad for a Suzuki motorcycle that caught my eye while the paper sat on my desk, and I just kind of kept reading.

Until I saw a web address.

This web address.

This bends my mind in subtle, subversive ways. My immediate questions are "why?" and "who?" and "Do people actually go?" Then, because my mind is already twisted and the extra bends that this website is giving it aren't doing me any favors, I imagine myself in their classes. And I realize that this place, this school for men scared of women (or, more accurately, scared of being rejected by women), would never work for me. I'm not really their target demographic, and I wouldn't say that I have the problems that this place is apparently attempting to address, but it makes me wonder how well this kind of thing actually works.

Maybe I'm different (okay, right, yes — I am different; I'm a social reject and an emotional retard, but I digress), but how can playing no-stakes games improve your performance? I don't know...maybe it works for some people. Apparently, as this fool is taking people's money by telling them what anyone with an ounce of sense should already know.

But then again, how many people have you met recently with even an ounce of sense? Maybe this place is doing someone some good.

But then again, maybe not. After all, it's encouraging the meeting and interaction of both genders. Doubtless this will in some cases lead to procreation. I'm against procreation in the case of ninety-nine percent of the population of this nation, so maybe we could have schools teaching people how to balance their checkbooks instead of how to meet females.

Me, bitter much? Naw.

"See you later mom, I'm going to class! We get to talk to a real live woman tonight, and I've been practicing all day!"

-t

Currently Aurally Inducing: The White Strokes, Fell in Love with a Girl (ha! irony!)
Selection of the Lyrical Vocabulary: "Ahhhhhh, ahhhhhhh, ahhhhhh!"

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