Resistance and Post-Ritual Rundown
2002-11-29 � 1:49 p.m.

I spend a great deal of my time resisting.

Resisting my impulses. Resisting the pressures of society. Resisting people's pre-/misconceptions.

I'm doing it right now. I'm cheating, by talking about it, but there it is. I'm coiled up inside like the main spring of a clock, all of the contained energy crying out to be unleashed in a particular direction, to do harm, to cause pain, to fuck somebody up really bad. But I shouldn't. It will only make things worse. Instead I can just bleed off a little bit of that energy here and maybe that will allow me to control myself enough so that I�ll go get a damn haircut instead of involving myself in something that isn't really any of my business.

Deep breath...let it out slow.

Better. Sort of.

---

Okay -- here is the kind of influence I have on my family.

Yesterday, at Temek Prime, we bonded over food (a bizarre ritual, I am sure you would all agree). After bonding, we kind of drifted off to our separate post-ritual wind-down activities.

My father (and this is totally weird to me) ensconced himself in a recliner and polished off my copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets before starting on Prisoner of Azkaban. My mom and sister have already read them all. I caused this.

My sister went straight for the television set, and fired up the Buffy marathon on FX. My mother eagerly joined her. They both watch Buffy religiously. I caused this too.

In between shows and during commercials, my sister and I carried on a piecemeal conversation about this and that band -- all of them beings ones that I introduced her to.

Now how about that?

Here, because I have it, is a picture of the table before food ritual began. It's small, but again, this is because it is a picture I took with my phone. (I am such a geek.)

Haircut? Nah...

-t

Currently Aurally Inducing: Pink Martini, Bolero
Selection of the Lyrical Vocabulary: n/a

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