More Time Wasting
2002-11-04 � 2:47 p.m.

I'm spending time on hold, and while I could be making progress on the Project, instead I am indulging in whimsy -- one of those silly '50 Things You Should Know About Me' deals. Blame GadFly.

Without further ado...

1. Your name spelled backwards is: kemet

2. Where were your parents born? Nowhere good -- North Dakota and Oregon. Of the two, I'm glad they decided to stay in Oregon.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Email. Oh, wait -- I'm skipping the spirit of the question, right? Um...pr0n. With midgets in.

4. What's your favorite restaurant chain? I didn't know you could have one of those. I guess...um...El Burrito Loco.

5. Last time you swam in a pool? I can't count that high.

6. Have you ever been in a school play? This may surprise people, but yes, quite a few of them. I have even sung and danced in front of an audience. Gasp! (It shocks me a little, when I think about it.)

7. How many kids do you want? There isn't a way to say "none" adamantly enough.

8. Type of music you dislike most? The kind you like, because I am contrary. And Michael Bolton.

9. Are you registered to vote? Yes...and oh crap! How am I going to get my ballot down to my district? Crap -- driving in store for me today...

10. Do you have cable? There is so much cable strung around this place that people that don't live here are constantly tripping and falling down. Oh! Television? But of course. We must have our MTVs and G4s and such, mustn't we? Um.

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Nope. Mopeds are for wankers and people with poor self-images...which makes it surprising I haven't ridden one, actually.

12. Ever prank call anybody? Not that I can recall -- but then again, I'm good at forgetting when I did stuff that was stupid.

13. Ever get a parking ticket? Yes...and I still haven't paid it. Bwahahahahaha!

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Sure. I have a huge desire to look like a pansy in front of people right before I lose control of my bladder.

15. Furthest place you ever traveled? Distance is relative. But probably Egypt.

16. Do you have a garden? Yes -- it has silver bells and cockleshells.

17. What's your favorite comic strip? Penny-Arcade. Yeah, I'm a fanboy -- what're you gonna do about it?

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? No. Should I care?

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower, when I start to cause the paint to peel. Maybe.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? Fudoh, The New Generation. It's the best because it had something like nine decapitations and that girl that shot darts out of her hoo-haw.

21. Favorite pizza topping? Chunks of dead cow.

22. Chips or popcorn? If I could cause all popcorn to suddenly be sucked into a black hole, never to again befoul this planet with its presence, I would do it. Plus I mean Doritos -- yum.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? Silver, with the sparkly stuff in it. It matches some of my eye shadow.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? No. Why would someone do that when there was perfectly good nutmeg lying around waiting to be consumed?

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Yes. Ms. America 1943, Fourth Runner-Up. I've changed a bit since then.

26. Orange Juice or apple? Orange. I used to pour Apple Juice down my throat like it was water when I was a kid, and then one day I suddenly realized it was so sweet it made me ill. I promptly vomited it all up onto the sidewalk and I haven't touched it since.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? Is this supposed to be a tricky question about dating? I go out to eat with my roommate all the time -- last night, in fact. Before that (and not counting my roommate)...um, George, I guess. We went to Sweetwater's Jam House, and I had some wicked good Cajun fried giga-prawns.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar? I don't eat chocolate. I don't really eat sweet things at all -- sweet things make me sick.

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? I never have. We don't do that in Oregon...at least not since I've been eligible to vote.

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? July. Tasty cherry tomatoes from the Dads' garden.

31. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes. I have a small crate of Competitive Forensics trophies gathering dust somewhere. I like when they gave out medals better.

32. Are you a good cook? When it comes to cooking meth-amphetamines, I am second to none.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? I do, but that's another thing we don't do in Oregon. We're wacky out here, oh yeah.

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? I was up late and on quite a few mind-altering substances during my first year in college, and a commercial on television convinced me it would be a grand idea to subscribe to three years worth of Entertainment Weekly so that I could get the two disc "Pure Party!" CD collection. The situation was very similar a year later when I ordered a katana-style sword from two guys on the Home Shopping Channel who had southern accents so thick not even their wonder-knives could have cut them. I still have the sword -- I like it a lot. It's right here. I can reach out and touch it from where I'm sitting right now...and I just did.

35. Sprite or 7-up? Mountain Dew. What kind of stupid question is this? Those clear sodas make my nose itch and my throat hurt.

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? No.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Medication.

38. Ever throw up in public? Yes. Let's see -- again, first year of college. I convinced a friend of mine to consume an industrial-sized bottle of cough syrup with me. That was fine (relatively speaking), but later on in the evening, we were at a gay/goth/industrial dance club called The City and I attempted to drink an Arizona Iced Tea. The cough syrup and the tea didn't like each other one bit, and I found myself outside on the sidewalk around the corner, puking like a pro while two guys who were loading a truck down the block laughed at me.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? I know money exists, so bring on the riches.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in lust at first sight.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number? Yeah -- for work. Can you believe they charge for certain kinds of technical support?

42. Can ex's be friends? No. Not with me, anyway -- I'm petty.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a Hospital? My ex's dying mother. Yeah yeah -- I know I answered the last question in a way that would make this unlikely...but it's true. It ended badly, if that helps. It doesn't me, particularly.

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? I don't know. I never look at pictures of myself as a child on the rare occasions that they are brought out, and neither do I ask about myself when I was young. I don't really care.

45. What message is on your answering machine? It's the default mechanical voice that says "You have reached xxx-xxxx, please leave a message." Exciting, no?

46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? Dennis Miller. I know he's not a character, but he was the only redeeming feature of that show as far as I was concerned. The musical guests intrigue me every now and again, though rarely enough to actually watch it.

47. What was the name of your first pet? Fritz the cat. Seriously. He was a mean bastard too.

48. What is in your sidebag? Um, let's see. Three floppy diskettes, nine ticket stubs (Movies: Shakespeare in Love, The Matrix, Dark City, Godzilla, Mr. Nice guy, Office Space and The Big Lebowski, Live Performances: Veteran's Day -- A Night of Honor, How I Learned to Drive), kleenex, an emory board, fingernail clippers, business cards, a receipt from the Lotus Cafe and Card room for a six dollar martini, a wadded up piece of paper informing me that two of my works have been chosen for a literary magazine, the newest Willamette Week, assorted writing utensils, a piece of yellow legal pad paper with phone numbers on it, the manual for my new phone, a Bic "SureStart" extra-big fire starter, lipbalm, small container with extra-strength Tylenol in it, a tube of Neosporin, four Tylenol Cold caplets, the camera attachment for my phone and a pocket knife. Shew!

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? Read.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today? Um. Uh. Er. Yup, for sure.

-t

Currently Aurally Inducing: muzak version of "I Will Always Love You"
Selection of the Lyrical Vocabulary: n/a

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