Deep Thoughts (Sorta)
2003-11-25 � 11:09 a.m.

I'm testing fonts. That's how bad off I am for things to do.

That's not quite true, of course — there are always things to do. I just don't want to do any of them. I am such a horrible employee.

My back is worse today. I have revised my opinion on the issue, though. Now it just feels like a pulled muscle (though how I might have managed to do that, I don't know; I lead a pretty sedentary life). It has that watery, liquid feel to it when I move it just right. It sucks.

Yesterday, over at LiveJournal (you don't really need me to link that, do you?) there was a pretty big spate of these "Comment Anonymously" posts. The idea was to invite commentary by your readers on any subject, without any fear of people knowing who it was that made the comment. Things like that are viral, and they spread from journal to journal like an infection. (You know it's bad when more than one journal on my anemic friends list shows up with the same thing.)

I mention this because I found most of the commentary to be pretty indulgent. Maybe I should have expected that? Nontheless, I didn't, and I was surprised. There was a ton of "I always thought you were really cool but I never had the courage to say so" type of posts (not on my journal &mdash I didn't play this game), but there was also a ton of self-pitying moaning. Maybe I was just extra sensitive to that yesterday since I was in a self-pitying, moaning kind of mood myself, I don't know.

But it made me wonder (again): what is it about the online forum, the diary, the journal, and the supposed anonymity provided by this thin veneer of electrons, that promotes such behavior? The optimists would say that people are more free to be themselves when they don't have to worry about social rejection or backlash (and we'll ignore what that says about both society and the people who behave worse than children online; and we'll also leave for later the discussion of whether or not the societal constraints that filter this kind of speech offline doesn't serve some kind of purpose), while pessimists would say something pretty similar but mean something completely different.

Personally, I don't know. You'd think, seeing as how I am a participant in this place and several others to a greater or lesser degree, that I would have an opinion. But I don't.

That's because I am not sure that I am doing myself any favors here. I don't think that this kind of an outlet serves the purposes that it is often ascribed. I think that in a lot of ways, I am re-enforcing bad behaviors (or at least perpetuating them) via this and other journals.

Not that it is all bad — I would never claim that. It's just that I don't necessarily think that "having an outlet" or "being able to get it all down" is something that is good in and of itself. Yes, it can be cathartic, but raw catharsis without anything else — follow-through, change, evolution, etc. &mdash is only a momentary release. It isn't betterment, it isn't improvement.

If I spew here about how terrible my life is, how I hate myself, how I do this and do that thing which is bad for me, and people write me and commiserate and make me feel better, etc., then sure, I often feel better afterwards. For awhile. And what happens the next time? Then I do it again, and I feel better again. For awhile.

It's like treating the symptom instead of addressing the root cause. Maybe that's why it's so tiring to read all these journals full of doom and gloom (even my own): because even if you feel bad for the person, it's like they're shouting at a rock concert — the air is already full of too much noise, and they're just adding to the din.

It also shouldn't be surprising that there is so much doom and gloom in the online journal community because there is just plain so much depression in the world. Something like 1 in 4 Amerikans suffer from a diagnosed form of depression. What do you figure the percentage of those people are that are going to seek refuge on the 'net? Quite a few.

I don't really know where I am going with this. Just thinking out loud, I suppose. I have no firmyly held opinions on this issue one way or another.

I had a dream that I was on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge last night. I'll leave that for you all to chew on.

-t

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