Postal Orifice
2003-03-03 � 11:01 p.m.

(Ah, sweet, sweet broadband. How I have missed thee! If I could make out with bandwidth, I'd never leave my room.)

So I went out and ran all these errands today, right? Bank, Post Orifice, Best Buy, etc. And everywhere I go, people are looking at me really funny. At first I thought that it was my new haircut which, despite my stern warnings to the hair person, has accentuated the cowlick on the back of my head, making a rogue bit of hair stand out at right angles to everything else. I was constantly rubbing at my hair, trying to smooth down my errant lock. After awhile I got kind of defensive about it, and wondered why the hell it would be such a concern for all these people that pass by way worse haircuts than mine every day and don't give them a second look.

Then I got home and realized that it was probably because I was wearing a shirt that said "fuck" on it.

My social skills know no equal!

At the Post Orifice I had to stand in line for forty-five minutes to get to the counter. It was necessary that I go in, because I had to mail off FlyBoy's CD and a book to a guy in Korea. I actually went to the Post Orifice twice today � the first time I left because the line was so long. I figured it would be better later. Ha!

And now I know why the lines in the Orifice are so long, and I know why so many postal workers become "disgruntled."

It's because people are STUPID.

Seriously. I watched person after person step up to the counter completely unprepared to ship a goddamn package. The postal clerks were constantly having to tape, re-box and re-label people's packages. Then they had to try to explain the shipping options.

Is it that hard? Come on people � you've received a package before, right? You should know what a real package looks like. How hard is it to make your box look like one of those before you go to the Post Orifice? No, an old fucking VCR box closed with Scotch tape isn't going to cut it! Yes, the shipping address needs to be applied with something other than a Post-It! You want me to fix it for you? Okay, yeah great. Maybe I could come over later and re-organize your closet too, how about that? Why don't you lean over the counter a bit first so I can reach you with this tape gun, you meat sack.

I shipped two packages, one internationally, and it took me less than two minutes at the counter. This is partly because I rule and everyone else sucks eggs, but also because I was prepared and applied a smidgeon of common sense to the project.

It's late now, and I am wallowing in the fruits of my latest trip to the record store: the new Pigface album, "Easy Listening" in preparation for their upcoming tour date; Mouse on Mars' collected EPs; The Joggers' (a local act) self-titled debut; and Thursday's original album "Waiting" which I thought was out of print (I think it was, but Eyeball probably did another pressing when they realized they could make some money off of Thursday's new-found popularity � but hell, I'm not complaining). My roommate super-scored with two Shellac seven-inches. The record store clerks just about got down on their knees to suck him off they were so pleased with his musical selection. Heh.

Food now.

-t

(Oh yeah � if anyone wants one of my "Best of 2002" CDs that I made at FlyBoy's urging, speak up. I've got all the bits, and I just have to put them together and send them off.)

Currently Aurally Inducing: Pigface, Du liebst mich nicht, ich lieb' dich nicht
Selection of the Lyrical Vocabulary: En Esch's growling German

[ last ] [ next ]

�	Int4rw3b Personals

�	Gene Wolfe

�

Image Fix

�	Again, I Return. (Gonna have to knock this off...)

�	A Return of Sorts