A Meat Grinder Day
2003-02-17 � 12:38 p.m.

I have Built to Spill stuck in my head, which is odd, because I was listening to Hot Hot Heat on the way to work. The line "it's enough to make you crazy" just keeps rolling through my brain.

Damnit.

So I'm tired. No surprise there, right? When is the T-man not tired? Well, I often am not tired, but I only seem to blather here when I am. Telling, sir. Telling.

I have big news! It's the biggest news I've had in quite some time, and it's really, really exciting. This is the kind of news that can change your life, that pivotal thing that can send you haring off in a completely new direction. This news is so big, so important, and so totally nonexistent that I can barely stand it. Yes, that's right! I'm lying.

In other news, there is no news. My route to work was blocked by an oil spill, which is weird, but I didn't get to see it because the radio alerted me to it before I got there.

Gadfly should rejoice because I am really, really, really close to finishing my "Best of 2002" CD for him. He probably thought I forgot or gave up, but no! My diligence, while sort of, uh, spotty (giving the lie to any actual claim to diligence) has carried me through to almost the end! The songs are picked, the order is decided, and the mock-ups of the front and back artwork for the case are done. I only need to lay them out in a decent resolution so my fonts don't look like ass, print them and then mail that bastard off! In fact, I'll make more than one, so if you want one, speak up. I'll collect mailing addresses from you somehow.

(All of which makes it sound like it's some hugely cool thing when in fact it is not, but if I cannot indulge my histrionics I will explode. I'm swelling already.)

Layoffs at work begin next month. I cannot find it within myself to care, which is unsurprising, as I cannot find it within myself to care about eating or sleeping or living in general, let alone losing my job because of state budget problems. Whenever I start to think about it, I just picture feeding my own arm through a meat grinder instead.

Welcome to the inside of my brain. Z ?

My friend Bil wrote my roommate and I an incredibly touching email telling us how much he misses us and values us as friends. We responded by getting weepy-eyed and then playing more Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Did you know that you can shoot people's arms off in that game? It's true.

I went to my parents' house for dinner last night, and my mom went all out. I was so stuffed I actually passed out on the couch. Then I tried to do something with their computer and it pissed me off and my mom came in to find it completely torn apart on the floor and she freaked out. But I made it work, because I can bend inanimate objects to my will with frightening ease. If only I could extend that power to organic life forms...

Now I am at work, making up days from last week's illness, and I have no tasks. None! I kicked so much ass on Saturday that I don't have anything to do today. And I have five more days after this one. Sigh. I need a project, but all the ones I was working on sound boring now. Maybe I'll carve symbols into my flesh with jagged shards of metal.

I really want some taquitos, goddamnit.

-t

Currently Aurally Inducing: Rain on the roof
Selection of the Lyrical Vocabulary:

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�	Int4rw3b Personals

�	Gene Wolfe

�

Image Fix

�	Again, I Return. (Gonna have to knock this off...)

�	A Return of Sorts