Dream Theater
2002-11-23 � 10:31 a.m.

I just went to the little food window/coffee shop here at work (school), but instead of buying food to eat, as had been my intention, I just bought another really big cup of coffee.

I should really do better. I stuffed myself last night though, partly out of fear that I am wasting away, but mostly because I was actually feeling starved for a change (usually I don't notice). I didn't take lunch yesterday...not because there was a bunch of work to do (there wasn't), but I wanted to look busy, what with me having been gone so much.

Le sigh.

I passed out at nine-thirty too, which is really early, but probably has a lot to do with the fact that I'd been up for so long. The sleeping was nice, even though I woke up every three hours on the dot. Odd that.

I had this weird dream where I was playing basketball with a bunch of those bell-ringing Santa Clauses, but I kept passing the ball to the wrong team, because I couldn't tell them apart -- a fact that pissed them off to no end.

I also had another dream featuring spiders. This is actually starting to worry me. I have dreams with spiders in them every night. For the past few months anyway. I don't remember ever having this problem before then.

I hate spiders, see. Not like with a phobia or anything. I can stand them, I have no problem approaching them or killing them or what have you. Crawling on me isn't good, but it's not like I'd have heart failure and die, either. They're just gross to me.

But every night when I lay down in bed, almost the first thought that pops into my head is crap about spiders. I'll have a vague fear that one will come and crawl on me while I sleep or something. It's never enough to keep me from falling asleep, but it probably contributes to dreaming about them all the time, since they're the last thought in my head before sleeping most nights. But why? Why are they suddenly so prominent in my thoughts?

Growing up I lived out in the country. We had spiders out there, sometimes pretty big ones. I woke up more than once with a big old welt on my skin that my father would diagnose, "That's a spider bite." It never really bothered me, except that they were always rather big and hard and painful -- much more so than a mosquito bite, for instance.

But since I moved away from home, I haven't really encountered many spiders. A few, but they were relatively small. The urban setting isn't as conducive to their survival, I don't think.

So how come they're on my mind all the time? Freaky.

I don't remember much about the dream last night, except that my sister was in it and I wasn't very old. There were many spiders, and they were all different, and my sister was unconcerned about their presence. I, of course, was freaking out. There was one spider that was translucent orange, with really long legs that had way too many joints in them (even for spider legs) which it rolled around on. It picked me out and started to follow me -- the last thing I remember is that I was hanging off the edge of a cabinet door, keeping myself suspended from the floor while it rolled around below me and my sister laughed at me.

Heh. Psychoanalyze away. We already knew I was a twisted monkey.

---

I don't think I'm going to be able to play in Mr. Gadfly's revised Mix-CD Hoe-Down Throw-Down (I don't think that's what he's calling it, I just like it). Only albums released in 2002, he says.

Well. I did a quick inventory last night, and while the stack of CDs I purchased this year literally reaches up above my knee, very, very few of them were released this year. I could craft you an amazing CD out of 2001 releases, but 2002? Ack.

There are a few, true -- but there isn't much selection, and it's all pretty weighted towards some heavy rock and roll. And that's even kind of cheating by counting EPs (which gives me access to some songs off of albums from 2001, you see). I may even cheat further, because if I wait until the end of the month, there are a couple of albums coming out that I could use. Hah-ha!

I haven't given up -- it was a quick inventory, after all (you'd think I could remember this stuff, right? Ha!) and I was very tired. And but still. It could be rough.

But you know what I think? I think you're chickening out, oh Gadfly. Yes! Because it would be too hard to make a CD out of your whole collection, spanning all those years. There's too much. But if you constrain it to this year, well -- that's manageable. You just don't want to make the hard choices.

(Hehehe -- I'm just giving you a hard time.)

Hmmm...maybe I should go back through the hellish wasteland that is my diary and see what kind of crap I've been quoting at the bottom of each entry. Maybe that will jolt something loose.

Right. Work, or something.

-t

Currently Aurally Inducing: At the Drive-In, Hourglass
Selection of the Lyrical Vocabulary: "I'm all alone, so far up here -- and my oxygen's all gone."

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